always with the victim blaming

October 29, 2014 ginginbonbon


I hate gossiping. Why did I react the way I did regarding the current Canadian scandal? As a sexual assault victim and a victim of domestic abuse I learned that in Canada the law is on your side. Always. And you can remain anonymous to the world. Only your abuser will know once charges are pressed against them. Who wrote that press release stating the scandal and why even bother telling the media? Speak to a sexologist if you need help, speak to your friends and family it was abuse, use the law. It’s all in favour of the victim. This obsession of making everything public is what made me react the way I did, just because it’s about a celebrity we feel the need to publicity strike them and just because it’s a celebrity we care about it? The internet is full of ignorant idiots. Want to have a public discourse about our system? The law is on the side of the victim always. If you don’t want to be bashed publicly then don’t make it public and don’t notify the media. I’m sorry that humans are pigs and don’t know how to apply grace and pace or accept rejection. I’m not sorry for my perspective of weakness and human subjects acting like a zoo.

14 likes!! (not a lot for this fb user)

my comments:

I don’t expect to change your opinion, most likely I will just unfriend (if you don’t do it first!) as is the extremely rare case when I disagree so strongly with someone on a social justice issue, in the interest of maintaining a safe space on my feed.

I’m sorry you’ve experienced these things. and I think it’s a step in the right direction for us all that your reporting with law enforcement went relatively well. but your claim that the system is universally in favour of the victim or of the victim reporting is outrageous, and honestly really hurtful to scores of Canadian victims.

so whatever, I’m going to speak up here and tell you it’s AWFUL that you are saying “cops or stfu” like we’ve never heard that one before. I’m crazy disappointed. I don’t know you, but I thought you were better than that.

0 likes and counting…

If one doesn’t want to go to authorities as I hadn’t in a three year abusive relationship, there are free government programs that available to help the victim. Free therapist visits, or go see a sexologist to help or speak out to friends. Why write to a news paper about it?

1 like

The women in the Ghomeshi case aren’t speaking up about it now that the public knows. That’s what I find ridiculous. They speak to a newspaper but then go silent. It’s an emotionally complicated circumstance and I get that. But their sensitivity is not my problem and neither is the pig of a man who this story is centered around. I’ll keep my energy for my family and friends and choose to pick my battles.


keeping their identities hidden is of vital importance if you think about what will happen to them if they go public. as for the free programs, you don’t know that they aren’t also getting help if they need that. yes, it’s gross that this is a salacious news story; yes, our culture is broken in many ways with respect to this kind of thing. I guess I just don’t understand why you seem to be focusing so much on the accusers specifically (or at this point, maybe I’m being willfully obtuse. you have friends who seem to be happy to support you in making this into a discussion of the accusers’ behaviour, which is classic victim blaming btw). they weren’t supposed to talk to the newspaper? why not?


They can do whatever they feel is necessary. I think it’s counter productive to inform the star then remain silent when news breaks out.

(counter-productive to whom amirite? XD)

I’m not mad at the accusers specifically. I’m mad at the way the story broke out. Anonymity can be kept by police if the women press charges. No real justice can come from this if the women don’t press charges. All they’re doing is giving Ghomeshi a bad name. Is that satisfaction enough for the women? I hope that’s not it.

1 like

hmm. I get that the way these stories reach us can be very personal. you’re free to judge these women for how they handled it and you’re entitled to your opinion on what real justice is, but I’m not sure that’s what this thread is really about anymore. sometimes the only satisfaction you can get is knowing that you put the information out there for other women.

0 likes, but I win the internet, right?


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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. ginginbonbon&hellip  | 

    I should maybe mention, this conversation snippet (and its likes!) was one snapshot in time, taken at a point when I thought I could leave the puter and go load the dishwasher. but, no:

    We can all agree that Ghomeshi’s reaction is clear sign of guilt. How guilty is he, what exactly is he guilty of, the degree of the abuse etc. that information is not released yet and until proper evaluation of the women’s side is conducted by trained professionals our little (big) debate here is not productive unless to divide us based on our personal cause. I’m not asking anyone to subscribe to my cause. You can oppose my views and that’s healthy interaction. We have the freedom to discuss this and the freedom to oppose. I welcome that and I don’t judge you or anyone or think differently of you. Everyday we go through things that shape and influence our perspective.
    1 like (me!)

    and from me:
    def not unfriending you 😉

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