Welcome to my mood journal.

July 7, 2012 ginginbonbon

A few days ago, I was subjected to some gross nastiness by a guy who really hates Québec and our “seppie egos” on a friend’s fb post. And unlike when, for example, I’m faced with people hating on women in some form (never happens!) and I know to just leave it because there’s no point, I replied a bunch, mostly with big words and sarcasm, to his fuck you all suck fuck off fuck I hate this province venting. Still, it wasn’t pretty, so the next day I posted a short apology to my friend’s wall, because her status wasn’t the time/place to duke it out like that and sometimes I should learn not to take the bait when someone is wrong on the internet. Sometimes. I don’t know if she saw it, but she did not respond. I also noticed that my friend told the hater guy that she loves him in an unrelated thread the next day, so, without making too many assumptions, a picture is beginning to form in my mind about where she stands overall. 

I get that my behaviour is not perfect, and there are a lot of things mixed up in there that have nothing to do with this friend and are just about shit I’ve been going through lately. I mean, I understand that my reaction was not just about what this douche said even though I am able to keep things on-topic when arguing. The sad truth is that it hurts when people provide their ignorant, outsider “critique” of something that is part of your identity, so vocally and with no apparent consequences. In relatively few words, he managed to say really a lot of stuff about Québec culture that is both offensive and incorrect. And lemme tell ya. Being a white-looking, bilingual lady in this province, I am no stranger to hearing all kinds of cringe-worthy opinions. People who know I am half Chinese (but have temporarily forgotten) have complained to me about Chinese people. Bus drivers will say blatantly racist things to me about “other” people (not to be racist, of course!) And for some reason, I am not completely numb to this. I guess it’s different because of its invisibility, unlike sexism which I have never been able to escape from in my public life for even a second.

No worries, I am not succumbing to a victim mentality. I’m not about to make widespread systemic injustice in the world all about my fee-fees or my inability to adapt socially. I’m not even saying that anti-Québecois sentiment is akin to racism, because I don’t believe that it is, but I do think it’s something. It is definitely a thing. I don’t know what I expected, it’s not like this friend and I are really tight, and I don’t know anything about her relationship with this other person, and mostly, I shouldn’t give a shit. But I do! I guess I can get pretty attached to the sane, conscious people in my life, because I don’t feel that there are many of them. It just makes me feel helpless. Be a dear and pass me a lobotomy?

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